Tuesday, December 6, 2016

this month I loved // november 2016

November was a strange month. I have a lot of mixed feelings about how it went down. But here are some very beautiful things that were a part of it.

- I'm really loving Humans of New York right now?? It shows such a variety of different people and opinions. I love the exposure it provides to different perspectives, the reminder to be compassionate. It's not about sharing a political viewpoint that Brandon agrees with -- it's about people and their stories. we're all human. BASICALLY I JUST REALLY LOVE IT RIGHT NOW.

- this article. I just love it so much. sometimes I get angry at myself for being queer, buying into the idea that I'm making the world a worse place. This article gives me hope, and reminds me that I am not cut off from becoming more like Christ. It describes beautiful, beautiful love. Just read it.

- I MADE PECAN PIE. I HAVE NEVER MADE PIE BEFORE. IT WAS DELICIOUS. I AM SO PROUD OF IT.

- this TED talk. I love it so much. I love the focus on queer kids, what we learn about this woman's work. It's something I want to do someday. I love the nuance she acknowledges in that intersection of queerness and religion. I identify so much with the experiences she shares. Religion feels more like home when you watch a queer woman talk about her identity and her faith. It helps me find God.

- That TED talk also helped bring me to the realization that there is literally nothing stopping me from studying Greek and Hebrew and reading the Bible in its original languages, becoming a Biblican scholar and theologian. And honestly, that realization probably changed my life. In the church I was raised in, it's incredibly uncommon to engage with scripture on the level I want -- especially if you're a woman or assigned female at birth. It never even occurred to me that that was a possibility. This month I realized that I can engage with scripture. I can be a full participant in Christ's church. And I'm willing to bet that realization will change my life.

- this TED talk. It's one I've watched or listened to many, many times. But every time I remember it exists, I have to spend some time with it again. This month I listened to it on a night last week as I fell asleep after a very difficult day. It made me cry, not for the first time. I mean, when Jon stARTS SINGING TERMINAL? It breaks and mends my heart every time. I just love this talk a lot.

- the first real snowfall this month happened on a day I was working. it was wonderful to keep walking by the doors up front and see how beautiful and drifting and blizzardy it was. it was lovely.

- Maggie Stiefvater shared a beautiful transcript of her keynote at a conference, and wow. you need to read it immediately. These are ideas that are so, so important to me. They really shape how I live my life and the person I'm trying to become, and I kind of think everyone should read this.

- The secondary characters in my NaNoWriMo novel really shone this month. They were leaping off the page almost immediately, which was nice because I started November 1st with a grand total of two unnamed characters. Let me quickly introduce the secondary characters who showed up.
Rivva is my strategic commander of the first division of troops to reach the plains where the war takes place. She's hard, inflexible, with incredibly high standards, but she also takes time to interact with every soldier she can individually. She's a fantastic leader and I love her.
Gyen is her second in command. She's going through some major changes right now, but she starts out seeming very shifty, aloof, and self-important. And she is, but she's also committed and open to new ideas and she isn't satisfied with just accepting what she sees on the surface, if that makes sense. I'm really pleased with how she's turning out.
I've also got Gertel. She's young, maybe fourteen, quiet and solemn. Not someone you find easy to connect with. But she's got this wry sense of humor that takes you by surprise, and you'll find she's warm and passionate, once you get to know her.

- I've also been s l o w l y reading The Two Towers this month, a few paragraphs or pages at a time. This bit at the battle of Helm's Deep resonated with me unexpectedly. Everything is grim, and the Orcs are easily destroying them, but for a moment during the battle Aragorn pauses to look out into the sky and take courage and resolve from the coming dawn.


- "Everything I Know" from In The Heights. Mandy Gonzalez has a gorgeous voice, and I love everything about this song. But don't listen to it unless you've listened to the songs preceding it! There are too many spoilers, and you won't appreciate it as much without the background.

- A dear friend of mine and I spent a few hours writing together early in the month while she was down from college for the weekend. It was wonderful. There's just an energy and a focus in writing near someone else that I don't get when writing alone. It helps that Mari is incredible. 

- I finally watched season 3 of Carmilla this month. WOW. I loved the ideas they explored, the mood of the season, Carmilla's character development, the shipping, everything about LaFontaine. All in all, definitely the best season. 

- the Little Women soundtrack by Thomas Newman is gorgeous and I can't stop listening to it. 

- I finally started reading Man's Search for Meaning this month. I've been meaning to read it since forever, and it's been so good. The idea of meaning driving you forward is a conclusion I came to after struggling with depression for months, and Viktor Frankl articulates these thoughts so perfectly. A few highlights: 
He describes how he and his fellow prisoners in concentration camps grew to glorify the mundane experiences of their old lives. Frankl says, "In my mind I took bus rides, unlocked the front door of my apartment, answered my telephone, switched on the electric lights. Our thoughts often centered on such details, and these memories could move one to tears."
It's so hard to choose a few lines from passages that are life-changing, but this sentence sums up some of the major ideas very well: "Everywhere man is confronted with fate, with the chance of achieving something through his own suffering."


Frankl rejects the idea of "the meaning of life" as something general, vague, a single idea that encompasses everyone. Instead, he says that it "differ[s] from man to man, and from moment to moment." Everything he says about this resonates with me so deeply. We create, find, shape our own meaning for our lives. 
Another quote, this one about how our lives are not defined only by their potential for meaning in the future. Frankl says, "Not only our experiences, but all we have done, whatever great thoughts we may have had, and all we have suffered, all this is not lost, though it is past; we have brought it into being. Having been is also a kind of being, and perhaps the surest kind."
Basically, I love this book. You should read it. 

- Finally, I discovered some art by Douglas Blanchard this month that depicts Jesus Christ as a contemporary gay man during the final days of his ministry. I'm not sure there are words to describe how important this is. It's incredibly powerful. I found myself tearing up at this painting. Give the rest of them a look. (Warning, though, that a couple of the paintings contain some violence. Be prepared for that.)
"Jesus Before the People" by Douglas Blanchard

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